This clip powerfully illustrates being told that hurtful events you thought were accidents were actually intentionally planned. You were the target! Someone very close to you used and betrayed you. Can you imagine how you would likely react?
I imagine most of us have had similar experiences, but how many of us would respond as Ted did?
For me, the one that comes to mind is when I worked with The Texas Department of Insurance (TDI) to receive their written approval to conduct business in a new manner. It took two years but they approved my program. But then, when other agencies/companies couldn’t compete, the TDI revoked my licenses. They denied and covered up their approval and put me out of business. It was a similar experience of betrayal, loss, and pain.
But did you notice how Ted received the revelation?
Yes, it shook him!
But, instead of reacting with anger and pain, he processed it. He carefully chose his response with kindness, compassion, and empathy. He gave benefit of the doubt.
When I updated my perspective on forgiveness, I found I had more love in my life, strengthened drive and felt more peace and joy. When I stopped waiting for others to earn my forgiveness, I began seeing forgiving as a gift I give myself.
For these reasons, I found forgiving is a gift – not to others – but to myself.
Do any of the following resonate with you?
(1) Being present, Here and Now? Withholding my forgiveness keeps me locked in, reliving the event I deny forgiving. I don’t see how that benefits me, do you? Forgiving frees me to be fully present and engage in living now.
(2) Kinder, compassionate, and empathic? You and I, we each make mistakes. If we won’t forgive, regardless if it’s ourselves or others, how can we realistically hope to be forgiven when we have an “Oops”?
(3) Deeper more satisfying relationships? High Powered Love is Emmy Lou Harris’ story of seeking and wishing for a relationship that isn’t fool’s gold. Love that doesn’t forgive is a conditional love. When I don’t forgive, my very unforgiveness jams up my flow of what I want – unconditional love. I suspect it’s similar for you.
(4) Neutralize someone’s power to hurt you? It’s a counter-intuitive secret hiding in plain sight – we (you and I) give someone the power to hurt us when we take something they said or did as personal. Uplevel our perspective to acknowledge what someone else says or does is personal only to them. This isn’t easy. It takes practice and effort; however, it pays BIG dividends – Forever!
(5) Expand spiritual awareness? Consider: “Bad things” happen for the purpose and intention to expand our perspective as explained here and here.
Rumi, the Persian poet, mystic, and sage described it: “You have within you more love than you could ever understand.” “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” My experience of denying to forgive is one of, if not the largest, barriers blocking our love’s flow.
Here and here is how I found my peace to accept, forgive, and love myself and others.
I’m not asking you to believe me. I strongly encourage you to doubt what I’m saying. Do what I did. Doubt it and test it. Make it prove that it will work for you.
Until Next Time,
Joe