In The Empire Strikes Back, there is a wonderful scene that guided me in learning to believe in myself. Although the scene went viral, this insight on building self-confidence still hides in plain sight. Notice that after just starting his training: (1) Luke, feeling frustrated and focusing on the outcome, already doubts he can pull this off. Indeed, his self-talk empowers the obstacles; (2) Luke begins to succeed until his buddy, R2D2, gets excited for him and distracts him; (3) Luke’s reaction is more frustration and negative self-talk.
Simultaneously, Yoda’s language is not helpful or empowering. Telling someone, “No! Try not. Do. Or don’t do. There is no try.” When someone is already seriously doubting themselves, it makes doing it seem insurmountable and encourages them to give up. Instead, I would say, “Commit or don’t commit. Make the call. It’s your life! Commit or don’t commit.” There’s no commitment in “Trying.” That’s opting out by default – happenstance!
That’s all you need to do – commit and practice! Doubt that it’ll work? Practice anyway! After all, that’s how you learned to walk. Watch the clip from this perspective.
From this new perspective, did you catch the points!
By practicing from this perspective, I discovered nothing is personal. It’s the process; the journey is what counts! It’s the journey of believing in myself. It’ll work for you as well!
The devil is in the details!
These are the changes I apply to similar situations that empower me. I call it Giving it My Spin!
(1) I release and let go of the outcome. The outcome isn’t in my hands, so I let it go.
(2) I practice my Ask Process, I imagine what I want, feel gratitude for what I have and ask, “How does it get better than this?” I leave it to God to answer. Then, giving my attention to what I’m doing, I get on with it!
(3) I imagine the situation as if I’m being tested to see how I respond, what I want to double down on to improve.
I also use empowering self-talk: “I’m practicing, I’m getting there!” and “Everything I can do, I had to practice. Everything I practiced enough, I mastered! This is no different than the others! If what I’m doing doesn’t do it, Plan B is next, and so forth until I do it or time is up. I’ll get it next time.”
This is how I developed the faith of a mustard seed!
I’ve been told, “That’s easy for you to say; you don’t know my situation. If only it was this easy!” I live the story I tell myself and so do you. We all do, each of us. It’s deceptively easy to believe no one has it as difficult as us.
To some degree, that’s true. We’re each unique. Our situation has its own unique features. Most importantly, we each experience our situation internally and observe others’ situations externally.
Each of us has challenges but get to change the story we tell ourselves, as here, here, and here.
I changed my story and everything changed as here, here, and here.
I encourage you to understand that Henry Ford emboldened you and me, each of us, to grasp our future when he said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right” and Einstein heartened us to grasp the power in our thinking when he said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile Universe.”
You may think “So what? Point being?”
If the decision didn’t affect the outcome, would it even matter at all, much less be the single most important decision? It matters because it sets the stage for how you and I perceive everything else!
Once I clearly understood, I tested it, made it prove itself to me, and everything changed!
You can do the same!
Until Next Time,
Joe